...change will create you.

So, it has been a while since the last blog. So much has happened and it has only been a month. Here is an attempt to bring you up to date…

Mom flew up on Valentine’s Day to visit. It was wonderful. Addison and Parker were on Winter Break. We were able to really enjoy her visit. We went to Riverside church where I learned that my mom was dedicated here, that Gram and Gramps were married here, and that my great grandmother’s funeral was here. This is also where my great aunt Argy worked. It was a walk down memory lane for Mom and a lesson in family history for the rest. We celebrated the day after Valentine’s with a Lobster dinner (which believe it or not has not been on the menu recently… plus that is a traditional dinner we did with my mom’s side of the family during visits), had a wonderful meal on Shrove Tuesday with the GTS community, visited Wall Street in Dad's honor, and went to St. Paul’s to receive our ashes from Brad on Ash Wednesday (where Addison made sure to be the first person he ever disposed ashes to). It really was a wonderfully laid back visit. Once again, her departure left us empty and longing for home while Addison was, once again, in tears as the bus pulled away!

Next was the 2nd big snow of the year. It must have snowed a foot or a foot and a half. PS 11 (the children’s school) was closed. Again, we hit the Close with energy ready to enjoy the day. We could not decide what to build. There was talk at lunch about making the world’s biggest snowball. Finally, Greg made a suggestion of an igloo (like the one down by the river?!?!). It was on! At about 3:30 the construction began. Slowly but surely, an igloo began to take shape. By 6:45 or 7:00, we had a full blown igloo on the East Lawn of the Close. It was really cool and a great reliever of stress! It is always so neat to see the members of the community join in or stop by during this process.

So I have to admit that with this excitement, this has been a hard semester for our family (one of the reasons for the delay of a blog). When I talk to people outside of the seminary, I hear things like “The honeymoon is over” or “Spring is right around the corner” or “This is preparing you for your life in a parish”. I have to admit that those are all a part of what is going on. But, when I talk to people within the GTS community (esp. Middlers and Seniors) they get this look… almost a half smile, a bit of a chuckle, and a glassy look in their eyes (some graduates even bust out laughing!!!). Out of their mouth comes something like “I remember when I hit that point….” and then they tell of their experience of where we are and how it changed them. Even though I am not in seminary, the kids and I are experiencing our own sort of formation. I cannot speak for Brad and what he is going through, but this experience is changing our entire family. And the strange part is that it is hard to put words to what is going on. I am not sure that I have a clear enough picture to describe it yet. But this is my best attempt to date….

When I answer the question of how is the move from Atlanta to the city, I find myself saying that once you get passed the different lifestyles, our family is still just our family… meaning that it is still the four of us. We are us regardless of the world we are surrounded by. Scenery can change but it is still us at the core of life. This is true but right now, we are changing in ways that we don’t even see or realize. I feel as though I am being stripped down to the very core of who I am. I have to look at myself in a way that I have never done before (which is really hard). I am learning about the depths of who I am and why I am this person. I find myself asking why do I react in the ways that I do and who is this person God created. There are days where this swallows me whole. I feel lost in the great unknown and the uncertainty I am surrounded by. Then there are days that I could not be more thankful for this very process of formation. I have been talking to members of the community who are so gracious about sharing their experiences with me. These talks have really encouraged me to embrace this process in order to better understand where God is during all this.

To sum this up, the actual church calendar places me in the middle of Lent… 20 days into the 40 days. In my actual life, I am just in the beginning of an adventure into the desert… maybe day 3 or 4. Embracing this desert experience is one that takes courage and strength.. and I am only at the beginning... (out comes a big sigh and a half laugh). I hope that with Resurrection and spring right around the corner, I can begin to see and understand the new life and growth within the very depths of my soul.