Rewind (written in July)...

For many reasons, May came and time flew by. With May came the end of the second semester. Finals came. And finals went. Graduation snuck up on me in a way that I was not expecting. The hype around the end of the year was wonderful and festive. There were appreciation dinners and ice cream socials to attend. The reality of the first year being over was something to celebrate. We had made it and it felt good! Then graduation came. With this came a lurking feeling of change. A third of the students were going to move on. Suddenly, we started to see moving vans and began to feel the Close empty out. I found myself grieving the change that was happening ever so slowly. Each day brought one more person moving on to the new journey ahead. Once again, change slapped me in the face. I was faced with the realization that this is not a word that will be eliminated from my vocabulary any time soon. In fact, I am beginning to wonder what part change plays in the process of our journey.

June brought much activity. Addison’s play ran us like nothing before. The two weeks before opening night was filled with rehearsals that began in the late afternoon and ran until 8:00 that night. Dress rehearsals required hair and make-up to be done. She had many late nights getting to bed. Bruce, Kitty, and Stuart arrived the Thursday of opening night only to see Addison briefly while she was whisked off to the performance. Friday, Mom and Dad joined us. With a house full of guest, I was like a ping-pong ball. It went something like this……Take Addison to her performance…… Try to visit with everyone…… Relax some (Ha! Ha!)...... Meet you where…… Take Parker to baseball…… What is for dinner? ...... Go get Addison…… Watch Parker’s baseball game…… Go back to start and repeat…… Needless to say, when I finally got to see the play, it was amazing. Addison did fantastic!! I was once again filled with awe watching her perform. She just seemed so natural on stage.

While Addison was busy with the play, Parker was busy with baseball. He had practices on Friday evenings. Usually, Brad and Parker would bike the 2 ½ miles to the field while Addison and I would take the train (her bike was stolen earlier in the year). On Sunday’s, it was back to the field for the game. His season ended with three hard losses. BUT, he came away from it still loving the sport and looking forward to next year. On the Sunday that all of the parents were in NYC, we ventured down him play his last game. He scored twice and had a fantastic game.

Addison and Parker got out of school for the summer on June 28th. This gave us a few days before we left for Georgia to have fun in the city. We went to the Bronx Zoo and Brooklyn Botanical gardens. Both of these trips with did with a family we have become great friends with. It is so neat to see these parts of the city. They are hidden jewels.

Brad began his CPE (this is where he is a Chaplin in a hospital) in June at Beth Israel. He has enjoyed his group and the experience so far. Due to him having CPE this summer, he will not be coming to Georgia to meet us until mid August. It has been hard for him knowing this is where we are going to be for the summer. But, he has been very good about it.

So here we are……in Georgia! Home sweet home!

The Fourth of July

Wow! It has been too long since I last posted something. I figured that I would post the most recent and work my way backwards through the time warp we have been caught in!

The fourth of July was wonderful!! We began with a bike ride on the third through Battery Park. The weather was great....wind coming off the river and the smell of salt air as you rode. We caught the ferry to Governor's Island where we rode around the island. On this ride you have a great view of Hoboken, NJ and of course the Statue of Liberty. As I rode, I could not help but thinking about how cool it was to start the fourth weekend with Lady Liberty right there. It was a great day that ended with an incredible sunset that we watched from the top of our building.

We woke up early Sunday morning to catch the train to Stoney Creek, Connecticut. Friends of ours family had rented a home for the week. It was amazing! The home was a cute beach home that overlooked the ocean. There was a small private beach for us to enjoy. The kids went canoeing, fishing, and swimming. They had a slip and slide and water guns to play with. Really, the view, the weather, everything about the trip is beginning to make me fall in love with New England! If there was only a church there!!!!

We came home yesterday to rest and have dinner with Liza and Danny. It is like having dinner with family every time we see them. With a great game of Apples to Apples and incredible chip-wich sandwiches, the evening was fantastic.

I hope everyone had a wonderful fourth of July!!

How could I have been so blind to not see you?

Monday night I was able to see Addison perform at a benefit for the first time since she was cast for the part of Violet in Willy Wonka Jr. She and about 15 others were chosen for this event. They were on stage with leading actors and actresses from Broadway. These are performers from the shows Mary Poppins, West Side Story, Oklahoma, Grease, Legally Blonde, Chicago, etc. The list goes on and on of what these actors and actresses have done.

And there was Addison amongst them singing and dancing. I was floored!! How could this be my child? When she was on stage, her face beamed and her eyes sparkled. Of course, I am partial towards her.....but really, she was great! After the first number, Addison came to center stage and introduced herself. Poised and confident, she told of her hopes and dreams.

I guess that I was amazed because it was a little more than two years ago that she was a broken soul. Addison was struggling in school which influenced her self esteem greatly. Watching this process slowly break down our child did so much more than break our hearts in two. It killed her soul and shook her innocences. I remember telling her teacher, tutor, and learning specialist that I was more concerned with Addison's confidence and self esteem than I was with her academics (I know, I still can't believe I said that.....though I still will stand behind it). It was a trying time for us all.

Changes were made to accommodate Addison. Some of these were intentional. Her new school began to help rebuild Addison to the daughter we knew was buried deep within her......the one that was free and loving. The move to NYC was NOT part of our intentional plan. In fact, I had many sleepless nights about what this move would do to her. But by the grace of God, this change has been one where Addison has blossomed. She has come into her own which has been a joy to watch and learn from.

As I was just listening to a song by Third Day, I heard following lyrics:

"How could I have been so blind to not see you? The more that I look the more I find you've led me to the truth......You opened my eyes and helped me to find.....You took my heart and you changed it with your words of life. You took my eyes and you opened them and you gave me sight."

Even though this song is about a person’s relationship with our Lord, it fits our journey with Addison. She has more than opened our eyes as she has stepped into the person God created her to be. Traveling this long road has taught Addison to be a strong, confident, beautiful soul. Two years ago, I would have never predicted that she would be on a stage singing and dancing with stars from Broadway. But there she was in the spotlight….

... and yes, God does have a funny little way of working things out!

Soul Food

This is a picture taken Saturday of the entrance to the Chapel of the Good Shepard at the seminary.

So, spring here has been an adjustment. Spring is supposed to be the kind of weather where you pack up your winter clothes and unpack your shorts and t-shirts.... even pull out your flip-flops. Well, not here! People have often ask me if I am enjoying spring as I am sporting around in jeans and a light sweater! I wasn't even wearing flip-flops. Couldn't they tell it's not spring yet?

This past weekend, I declared to myself that it was in fact spring! It was warm enough that the shorts came out (along with those awful ghostly-white-wearing-pants-all-winter-legs) and of course, the flip flops were every where. We even managed to pull out the sprinkler for the children on the Close to play in (and yes, they froze once they were wet).

This weather is food for my soul! Saturday was one unbelievable day. We took lunch over to the Close where Brad joined us for a picnic (it is finals time). We spread our towels out on the grass, kicked off our shoes and just hung out together eating and laughing. After lunch, I found myself lying there listening to the birds sing and feeling the warmth of the sun warm me from the inside out. Literally, we spent most of the outside. It was a perfect spring day!

The Song of a Bird

While watching the Masters this weekend, I had a rather odd experience. When the commentators were quite and the golfers were getting ready to swing the club, I could hear the birds sing. They were birds from home. Yes, I hear birds in the city. But these birds have a different song then the ones from home. Hearing the birds took me home for a moment. There were azaleas in bloom. An occasional Dogwood could be seen. Pine trees were everywhere. The smell of spring came rushing into my memory along with the warmth of the sun as it shined down. I could just picture my self at home on our screen porch watching the Masters.........

Whew.....

I guess the saying is true that time flies when you are having fun! The past two weeks have flown by. The children got out for spring break on March 26th. Since then we have been on the run. This is an attempt to catch you up on all that has gone on.

That Sunday was Palm Sunday. We went to St. John for the service. We were able to sit in the choir loft up by the high alter. It was extremely cool. During one part of the service, I got chills all over just listening to the music. There was something about the experience that was breath taking!

Sunday evening (equally as cool) we attended a Seder Meal lead by a Rabbi and his wife. They explained the meal and the traditions/ symbolism's of the meal. The Rabbi was extremely knowledgeable and made several parallels to the New Testament and the Christian traditions. It is so neat to see the parallels of the two faiths. I have a deeper understanding of the Passover as well as the events of Holy Week due to this meal.

Monday, the three of us went to Staten Island to visit the Children's Museum. Despite the rain and need for a car, we had a good time. The museum had a lot of over sized things to play with...chess sets, dominoes, Connect Four boards, maze makers, etc. Tuesday, the kids and I went to see Alice in Wonderland in 3-D. Great movie.....but what was super cool was the theater. It is located in Time Square. You must take 5 of the longest escalators to get to the theaters. They go up and behind other stores. At one point, you are about 4 or 5 floors up and looking over the street below. You are able to see all the hustle and bustle of the city below you. It never grows old seeing the rhythm of this city. I am constantly amazed by it.

Wednesday, we made Easter cookies to mail home. Addison and Parker had a blast making and decorating them. Thursday classes were canceled to gear up for Holy Week. We attended the Maudy Thursday service here at GTS. This is the foot washing service. What a powerful service. Parker wash the feet of our neighbor without any reservation. Addison was a bit timid by the experience so I stayed with her to wash the feet of a friend of ours. The kids and I slipped out after Eucharist to set up for Brad's 40th birthday party. Friends came by and we had a great time celebrating Brad's 40 years of life! The picture above is Brad at 40 with his 40! Ha! Ha!

Good Friday began with a service at GTS. It was a very powerful service. At the end of the service, everyone exited the chapel and they shut (and I should say slammed) the metal doors of the chapel. It was gut wrenching. To see and hear the chapel being all closed up was a very weird emotion. Very powerful. It really set the mood for Easter.

Saturday, we held an Easter Egg Hunt here at the seminary. It was a beautiful day. After the hunt we did races and had cake. I truly love the simplicity of how we do things as a family community here. The kids all enjoy each other and it is just nice to have this group to spend time with. Brad went to the Easter Vigil that evening. It began at 8:00 and was said to be a 2-3 hour service. I stayed home with the kids for an early night and to prepare for Easter.

Easter, we went back to St. John. It was a packed house....by this I mean that 3,000 were expected. The service was beautiful with music like you would not believe. I do have to say that I missed St. Teresa's a lot. I missed the feel of the celebration. I missed the intimacy of the service. I missed the community of people we love so much. I am thankful for the opportunity to attend such a grand event.....yet I definitely longed for what I was used to.

Since everyone had been so busy with Holy Week, we decided to have a pot luck with friends of ours on Easter afternoon. It was awesome. We had all been so busy that it was time to relax, unwind and laugh some! That is just what we did too! We all brought different dishes and just chilled.

Addison's friend from home, Sophie, and her mom came to see us. They arrived Sunday afternoon and we were off. We did the Empire State Building, Brooklyn Bridge, Ground Zero, Central Park, American Girl Doll store, Rockefeller Plaza, etc..... It was so awesome to have them here. Addison was back to her old self with Sophie around. It was wonderful to see them together giggling and carrying on.

Finally, it was back to school on Wednesday. I was able to catch my breath for a second to gear up for a weekend of baseball practice, the opening day baseball parade through downtown, a baseball game, play rehearsal, shopping for dance shoes, and a bachelorette party to Hogs and Heifers (the bar that Coyote Ugly is based off of).

So realistically.......I feel like today is a day of rest. I am having to unwind and catch up on the ordinary stuff. Once again, I could not be more thankful to be in a city that has so much busyness to offer as well as be in a community that is so simple and accepting. The contrast is vast.....yet it is very welcoming. It allows you to flow from one to the other very easily. Most importantly, when family is not close by, it is nice to have friends here who have become "chosen family". Without these friends, our experience would not be as rich and fulfilling as it has been this far.

Whew.....what a week!

...change will create you.

So, it has been a while since the last blog. So much has happened and it has only been a month. Here is an attempt to bring you up to date…

Mom flew up on Valentine’s Day to visit. It was wonderful. Addison and Parker were on Winter Break. We were able to really enjoy her visit. We went to Riverside church where I learned that my mom was dedicated here, that Gram and Gramps were married here, and that my great grandmother’s funeral was here. This is also where my great aunt Argy worked. It was a walk down memory lane for Mom and a lesson in family history for the rest. We celebrated the day after Valentine’s with a Lobster dinner (which believe it or not has not been on the menu recently… plus that is a traditional dinner we did with my mom’s side of the family during visits), had a wonderful meal on Shrove Tuesday with the GTS community, visited Wall Street in Dad's honor, and went to St. Paul’s to receive our ashes from Brad on Ash Wednesday (where Addison made sure to be the first person he ever disposed ashes to). It really was a wonderfully laid back visit. Once again, her departure left us empty and longing for home while Addison was, once again, in tears as the bus pulled away!

Next was the 2nd big snow of the year. It must have snowed a foot or a foot and a half. PS 11 (the children’s school) was closed. Again, we hit the Close with energy ready to enjoy the day. We could not decide what to build. There was talk at lunch about making the world’s biggest snowball. Finally, Greg made a suggestion of an igloo (like the one down by the river?!?!). It was on! At about 3:30 the construction began. Slowly but surely, an igloo began to take shape. By 6:45 or 7:00, we had a full blown igloo on the East Lawn of the Close. It was really cool and a great reliever of stress! It is always so neat to see the members of the community join in or stop by during this process.

So I have to admit that with this excitement, this has been a hard semester for our family (one of the reasons for the delay of a blog). When I talk to people outside of the seminary, I hear things like “The honeymoon is over” or “Spring is right around the corner” or “This is preparing you for your life in a parish”. I have to admit that those are all a part of what is going on. But, when I talk to people within the GTS community (esp. Middlers and Seniors) they get this look… almost a half smile, a bit of a chuckle, and a glassy look in their eyes (some graduates even bust out laughing!!!). Out of their mouth comes something like “I remember when I hit that point….” and then they tell of their experience of where we are and how it changed them. Even though I am not in seminary, the kids and I are experiencing our own sort of formation. I cannot speak for Brad and what he is going through, but this experience is changing our entire family. And the strange part is that it is hard to put words to what is going on. I am not sure that I have a clear enough picture to describe it yet. But this is my best attempt to date….

When I answer the question of how is the move from Atlanta to the city, I find myself saying that once you get passed the different lifestyles, our family is still just our family… meaning that it is still the four of us. We are us regardless of the world we are surrounded by. Scenery can change but it is still us at the core of life. This is true but right now, we are changing in ways that we don’t even see or realize. I feel as though I am being stripped down to the very core of who I am. I have to look at myself in a way that I have never done before (which is really hard). I am learning about the depths of who I am and why I am this person. I find myself asking why do I react in the ways that I do and who is this person God created. There are days where this swallows me whole. I feel lost in the great unknown and the uncertainty I am surrounded by. Then there are days that I could not be more thankful for this very process of formation. I have been talking to members of the community who are so gracious about sharing their experiences with me. These talks have really encouraged me to embrace this process in order to better understand where God is during all this.

To sum this up, the actual church calendar places me in the middle of Lent… 20 days into the 40 days. In my actual life, I am just in the beginning of an adventure into the desert… maybe day 3 or 4. Embracing this desert experience is one that takes courage and strength.. and I am only at the beginning... (out comes a big sigh and a half laugh). I hope that with Resurrection and spring right around the corner, I can begin to see and understand the new life and growth within the very depths of my soul.