Today has been a rough day for me……..but let me go back and lay some ground work of one of the reasons why. As many of you know, I am looking for a job. This is something that I was well aware of before we moved up here. AND I have always seemed to find a job somewhere doing something. That is just how it happened. Someone we knew, knew someone, who needed someone……and bam……I had a job.
Well, it is not so simple here in the Big Apple. Seeing that we don’t quite have the connections that we used to AND that the “good ole boy” system of checking into who you are and what is your work ethic…..well….doesn’t exist, finding a job is done through a lot of electronic communication. I send out resumes responding to job post on Craig’s List and Idealist.org or any other job post and wait. I submit resumes to staffing agencies and wait. Job hunting becomes the waiting game. And I have to admit, I have never been that great at the waiting game.
The first lead comes from a math tutor post off of Craig’s List and reads something like this:
“You would be receiving payments drawn on a US Bank. The payment would be made out for the cost of the services you are rendering, for the living expense of my
daughter and the guardian and for the remuneration of the guardian. As regards
this, I hope I can trust you with this payment. All you have to do is deposit
the check at your bank upon receipt. Once it's cleared, deduct your fees which
should be $40 per hour X 8 times a month ($320) and additional $80 for any costs
you might incur for running around and any textbooks/materials you might need.
This amounts to $400, which is what you should deduct from the payment sent.
Whatever the remaining balance is after deducting $400 should be sent via money
gram/western union to the guardian who would be contacting you with further
arrangements and instructions regarding the pickup/drop off of my daughter
to any library/location where you would be teaching her. I hope I can trust
you with my daughters' education. If you are ok with this arrangements, get back
to me with your full contact information (name and mailing address) and mobile
number for correspondence purposes.”
Needless to say, my response was that I was unable to help this POOR child at this time. For some odd reason, I did not think that it would wise for me to get involved in a money laundering scheme while Brad is in seminary.
My next lead was an interview that if it worked would have been teaching young actors and actresses while they were either rehearsing for a production or filming a show or movie. I thought that this would definitely be something out of the ordinary so why not try? When I arrived at the man’s apartment (yes, you just did read apartment) for the interview, I was instructed to “take of my shoes and fill out the paperwork.” I thought to myself, “I am not taking off my shoes!!!” As I began to head for the couch, he said, “Did Jasmine not tell you about the shoes? Take them off by the door.” And on went the interview. This job would be perfect if you were single with absolutely no obligations. Well….seeing that I am not single and I do have some obligations in my life (like two children and a husband who is in school), I am not expecting to hear from this lead any time soon!!
And last but not least, there was the offer from the man at church to be painted. Yes after the service, he approach David (a friend of ours) asking for some contact information….that he was interested in painting me. While talking with my friend Katie about this offer, she did mention that the nude models in her art classes at UGA made good money. I forgot to ask her if that was good money for a college student or good money for a mother of two!!
So, my options so far are money laundering, dealing with the crazy acting world, or posing nude for painters. Welcome to New York City!!!!!
So today, I have to admit, I had a cleansing of the soul. You see, I was at a similar place just two years ago when Brad and I realized that I should go back to work. I can remember fretting over what to do and how to get to what I wanted to do. I thought that I wanted to teach. To get there meant taking test and convincing people that I could teach. It also meant convincing myself that I could in fact teach. I can remember many a tears during this time because of my own lack of confidence and assurance in what I was doing. Thank goodness that there were several people in my life that continuously supported me and encouraged me.
Today, I felt the pouring of tears for a different reason. I now sit in frustration knowing that I can teach. Last year was an amazing learning curve for me that proved to me that among other things, I could teach. I know that teaching is what I enjoy and where I want to be. Once again, I don’t hold the correct papers to be in the classroom. There are more test to take and the possibility of two more years of school before I can get a certification. It is back to square one for me when I know that just last year I had the go ahead and was on my way toward certification.
Today I wrestled with an internal struggle. It seems that my faith struggles with my humanity. My human side is frustrated and a bit mad about having to leave home and start from the beginning again. This side of me is the two year old stomping saying “But I don’t want to do this!!” Then, my faith steps in like a reassuring parent saying, “You knew this was going to part of it. This is just part of the process. This too is going to prepare you for the road ahead. You can do this.”
I do believe that this is part of the journey. Deep within me I believe that it will work out fine. It has in the past and it will again. Embracing the reality that in fact we will make it through this is another chapter in our “Living by Faith” novel. To say the words “living by faith” is different than whole heartedly believing these words and embracing them in our life. Faith did get me through today and will continue to get us through this part of our journey. GJ